Long time no post.  Sorry about that.

Where did I leave off last time?  Right, I was trying to get (re)laid by a co-worker.  I tried once more after that without success, so I backed off.  For whatever reason, it's not happening and that's cool.  I like this guy so I'd like to remain friends with him.  I'm working on getting him out for a drink so we can catch up and relax and just hang out.  If something happens, so be it, but that's not my angle for going out with him.  He's a genuinely nice guy and I'd like to keep him in my life however I can.

However, there's still drama.

I'll admit it.  I'm a flirt, and even though I'm way too old for a phrase like this, I'm a bit boy-crazy.  I like to like people.  I loved being in love, and know I will always love my ex.  Without a doubt, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never completely recover from losing him.  However, I admit I am lonely and feeling attraction for other people helps me through the times when I miss him the most.

Enter co-worker number two, also a nice guy.  We've been pretty friendly for several months now, and I've felt things progressing.  We talked about it, and acknowledged the attraction and flirting.  (I've discovered that since my last relationship, I prefer putting my cards on the table and knowing where things stand.  That way, if I'm wrong and it's not mutual, I can accept it and move on before it becomes embarrassing.)

About two weeks ago, we were talking a bit at the office and I mentioned something about working a little late that night.  To my surprise, he called me later in the evening while I was still at work.  We talked and joked for a bit, and he asked if I was doing anything later.  I wasn't, so we agreed to get together.  I asked if he wanted me to come out to where he is (we both live in different suburbs of the city we work in) and he said he was already out so he'd come my way.  We said goodbye, I ran home and changed and we got together for a drink. 

A couple hours later, I brought him home.  (Let me say I honestly don't like blogging it like that.  I know I run the risk of protesting too much, but I am conscious that how cavalierly I seem to bring people home makes me look like a slut, and I'm honestly not.  I can name every person I've slept with, and it's really not that many.  But back to the story.)

So I brought him home.  We kissed, we fooled around, there was sex.  Hot, sweaty, great sex.  And he even stayed around afterwards to talk a bit.

We talked about small stuff, and then of course we talked about a little heavier stuff.  He asked a few personal questions like why was he there with me at that moment.  I answered his questions best I could, and then asked what his story was.  He was evasive, which immediately gave me a sick feeling.

He insisted I knew what his story was.  I told him I didn't, and he told me I knew but was blocking it out.  After playing this shit for a few minutes, I told him that I didn't want a fucking riddle, I wanted a straightforward answer.  Finally, he reminded me.  Seems I met his wife three months ago.

Yup, wife.  He's married.  M.A.R.R.I.E.D.

I told the asshole to get the fuck out of my house, and then stripped my bed and took a shower.  I know I'm not to blame, because I truly didn't know.  I work in a very public-oriented job and I meet a LOT of people.  His wife is one of literally thousands of people I've met in the year I've worked for this company, and it was for all of 15 seconds.  I really didn't remember, because if I'd known he was married I wouldn't have even flirted with him.  I've been cheated on and I absolutely refuse to have any part in making a woman worry about what her man is doing.  It's a line I just won't cross.  Still, it made me feel disgustingly dirty to know what I'd done, even if I didn't know I was doing it at the time.

So here's what I'd say to the asshole if the sight of him didn't make me nauseous: 

You wants to cheat on your wife?  Fine, that's your business.  I think it's slimy and disgusting, but that's your right to be slimy and disgusting.  If that's how you want to live your life, that's up to you, but don't you dare make me part of this, and don't you fucking dare try to tell me that I knew.  Don't you try and tell me "it just happened".  It's been building up to this for awhile and you know it.  Both before and after sex, you told me you'd like to do this again.  You were intending to start an affair.  While I didn't come right out earlier in the evening and directly ask if you were single, I asked where your son was.  I asked why you had multiple cars.  I asked about coming out to your place.  If you truly believed I knew you were married, you would have said your kid was with your wife.  You would have mentioned one of the cars belonging to your wife.  You would have told me I couldn't come to your place because YOUR WIFE WAS HOME SLEEPING!  You gave me evasive answers because you realized I didn't remember her and you took advantage of that.

Don't you dare come to me at work and ask if we're still friends.  You can't truly be that stupid, can you?  Calling you disgusting and yelling at you to get the fuck out of my house didn't give you a clue?

Oh, and it was a real classy move to bring your wife and baby daughter by work yesterday.  You're lucky I didn't walk up to her and tell her what a sleazy shitbag you are.  After all, I can describe exactly how you fuck.  I know your "move".  You have one hell of a set of balls waving this all in front of my face and trying to place the blame on me because "I knew about it".   You're a real fucking piece of work, you know that?

That's ok.  Whether it be God, Karma, or something else, this will come back to get you one day.  It'll come back to me too, and I accept that, but at least I acknowledge what I did and feel remorse for the innocent people that stand to be hurt if they find out what we did.  You don't feel anything except interested in taking the responsibility off yourself........ 

I've been on this site for a long time.  Many of you probably know me.  However, you don't know this side of me so I'm reluctant to post it on my real blog.  That's why I'm AnneNonymous. =)  Sorry if anyone assumed I was one of those weird invisible blank stalker-blogs.

This is seriously bugging the shit out of me.

So the story goes like this:

I'm a young woman. I like to think I'm reasonably attractive. I know I have what guys view as a pretty good body, though I don't know that it'll ever be good enough in my eyes. In any case, I get hit on often enough that I know I'm not a troll. I recently got out of a long-term relationship and I'm beginning to enjoy the single life again, but I'm not looking for totally meaningless random sex. If I wanted that, I'd just go to the bar and go home with a stranger for a one-night stand. Unfortunately, that's a little too dangerous. I'm not really excited at the idea of STDs or unintended pregnancy, nevermind the chances of the guy being a total psychopath and raping and murdering me. I prefer to keep my sexual experiences among those that I at least know somewhat.  It's safer in a lot of ways and just as much fun.

So that brings me to this guy at work. He's smoking hot. We've been flirting since I joined the company last summer. The flirting got really intense for awhile.  To me, it was like verbal foreplay. Like I said, I know I'm not a troll, but that's not the same thing as believing I'm hot enough for this guy, so when he called me out on it and told me to put up or shut up, I wimped out. I'm such a chickenshit... I backed down and played it off like it was all a joke.

I was kicking myself before that day even ended. WTF is wrong with me? A hot guy that I'm insanely attracted to and want to sleep with tells me he wants me and I said NO?! I'm so stupid! I beat myself up over this for a lot longer than I care to admit to you all.

Things go back to normal. It didn't affect our friendship at all, and we just went back to flirting. We even talked about it a few weeks later, and he let me know that he'd been serious. (At least the beating myself up over it wasn't for no reason!) But things were what they were and we remained work friends.

Until a month ago. I was taking the morning off of work and was woken up by my cell phone. I was a little surprised that he was calling me since we didn't really talk outside of work. But it was him. He'd heard a rumor that I'd been offered a job in another state. When I confirmed that as fact, he said we'd have to "knock boots" before I left. I laughed and told him I wasn't planning to take the job, and he said we could do it anyway. I didn't really say anything one way or the other but in my head was screaming "Yes!", and we talked for a few more minutes.

When I went in to work that afternoon, he was there. And a few hours later, we were alone.  We had a quickie, which I was fine with.  He had plans with his friends and I knew that before I went to meet him.  And when I left, he said we'd have to do it again sometime.

And since then... it's just not happening.  I've tried.  I've called him a couple of times, even a text message (I'm not a texter and I don't think he is either).  I've brought it up (discreetly) at work and he agrees that we need to get together.  I suppose it could just be politeness and he's not really interested, but I don't think that's true.  He definitely enjoyed it.  He's even brought it up himself a couple of times that we should have a repeat.  Yet when I agree and try to settle on when, the only answer I get is "soon".

What the hell is going on here?  With minimal effort, he'd get laid, but he's not putting in that effort.  I don't doubt my skills in the sack... no, I'm good there.  There's very little that's off-limits to me.  I don't think it's that he doesn't respect me anymore and thinks I'm a whore.  He knows I don't sleep around, and I've never heard him speak that way about any woman and he's really not one for judging people anyway.  So why the hell can't I get any sex from this guy?  What the fuck?!  I need sex!


_{--By the way, my disclaimer on the whole thing. Please spare me the judgement from those who feel I shouldn't have sex like this. I've had a couple long-term relationships, and would give anything for another chance with either of those men, but it's impossible. The last relationship didn't end that long ago and I'm not ready to jump into anything serious right now. I just want something light and fun. Would I date this guy? Sure. But we're too different for this to turn into anything long-term anyway, so why even start down that road? We have a lot in common, but the things that we differ on are just too great for it to ever last. That's why I want to keep this as casual as possible with him.--}